“Sleep” / Prarie Home Companion / Originally performed by Paula Poundstone and Garrison Keiler
G: We have a message here from D-W-D Mattress in Innerspring. Do you feel bad when you wake up in the morning? Believe me, you’re not alone. There are others.
P: I wake up in the morning, troubled in mind, rolling from side to side. Can’t be satisfied.
P: Water tastes like turpentine.
P: Feel like trouble’s on the way.
G: Well like what, for example?
P: Earthquakes and lightning, hurricane’s a-blowin’…
G: Mmm hm.
P: Rivers overflowing.
G: Oh yeah?
P: Like the end is coming soon.
G: Oh really?
P: I hear the voice of rage and ruin.
G: Rage and ruin, that’s interesting. What about your baby? Does he treat you mean?
P: All my children treat me mean. Cause me to weep and cause me to moan every evening when the sun goes down.
G: I see. Tell me about yourself.
P: Well, I was born in a cane break to an old mama lion. My daddy is an engineer and my brother drives a hack. My sister takes in washing and the baby balls the jack.
G: Well isn’t that somethin’.
P: I ain’t had no loving in a long time. What more can I say?
G: So, have you been wearing your apron low?
P: I have no idea what you mean by that.
G: Have you been to see a doctor about this?
P: I went down to the St.James Infirmiry.
G: You mean the one by Old Joe’s Bar-room?
P: Right. I was looking for something to ease my worried mind.
G: Oh, and?
P: Six crapshooters took my high top Stetson hat and a twenty-dollar gold piece off my watch chain and gave me a shot ‘a booze. They had a heart like a stone.
G: I see. Do you ever feel like laying your head on some lonesome railroad line and let the 219 ease your troubled mind?
P: They canceled the 219’s. There’s just the 505 and the 932.
G: I see.
P: So I’m rolling from side to side thinking about the good times that I’ve had and there’s one thing that troubles my mind.
G: Well what’s that?
P: (pause) I wanna know what “diddy-wah-diddy” means.
G: Diddy-wah-diddy? Ya wanna know what it means.
P: I wanna know what it means.
G: I see. Have you been sleeping on a pallet on the floor?
P: I have.
G: You have? Well, I think you need a new mattress, a D-W-D mattress. Go ahead. Try it out. Just lie down there. Huh? What do you think?
P: Ohh, wow!
G: Good, isn’t it?
P: Oh my gosh. I haven’t been this happy in a long time!
G: How’s your mind?
P: Got a satisfied mind.
G: I see. No trouble at all?
P: No trouble!
G: You thinking about your baby?
P: Don’t need my baby.
G: Uh huh.
P: All I need is a good mattress.
G: That’s right. If you’re dissatisfied, you need a D-W-D “Diddy-wah-diddy”. It means “real comfort”.
Singer: In the country or the city you need sleep to make you pretty, and deem your dreams. That’s what Diddy Wah Diddy, oh that’s what it means.
G: Yes, D-W-D, the mattress that can change your life.